The Unspoken Words
by Hedgiehairdresser
Summary: Every mobile has a 'save draft' selection, and these all remain untouched, unfinished, unsent, from the phones of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson. Rated M for implied suicide. TW: Suicide warning.
1. Sherlock Holmes

**A/N**: Inspired by a project done by the Grade 12 ISP English class at my school, where we were all made to write out anonymous letters, as many as we could, and the teacher made us close our eyes as she read them all out.  
Needless to say, not a single person had dry eyes at the end of the class.  
It inspired me to do one of my own.  
(Takes place before AND after the fall.)

* * *

Mycroft exhaled loudly in the empty room, his thumb slid over the smooth plastic case of his lost brother's mobile phone. He received the communications device from Scotland Yard once it proved to be invaluable to their case over the suicide of the younger Holmes brother. For years Mycroft had wondered over what lay in the mind of his little brother, always wanting to figure him out, try to get into his head, which wasn't easy considering Sherlock was not a person who valued sentiment and often threw away any evidence of external emotion or caring over what he deemed a 'lost cause'.

He pressed the 'unlock' button on the new Blackberry Smart Phone, knowing how Sherlock never put passwords to any of his devices, claiming no one would ever think of looking into his data and if they did, they wouldn't find much of interest.

It was either irony or a really good poker face that kept his stuff from being hacked into.

The government worker looked with an almost bored expression at the collection of folders on the phone; the photos one was completely empty with exception of a photo of a plain barstool, which Mycroft waved away as being from a case he had worked on. The 'received' folder was just a conglomerate of messages from John and Lestrade, dealing with the mundane and the domestic of all sorts.

_Bring home milk.  
JW_

_ wants to know if it was you who broke her chandelier?  
I told her yes.  
JW_

_New case, dead woman, found with husband's neck tie around neck and unknown bracelet placed on after her death.  
Come to the Yard for more details.  
DL Lestrade_

All of which seemed very simple, the complete opposite of how Sherlock acted.  
His 'sent' folder was the same way, short and to the point.

_No.  
SH_

_It was for an experiment, take it out of your pay check.  
SH_

_Either her brother or her boss, she was cheating on husband but husband did not know.  
SH_

_If brother has green ladder, arrest brother.  
SH_

Nothing at all uncommon or unusual present itself in these words, nothing Mycroft did not already expect, especially since Sherlock kept himself so quiet and so secretive all of the time, and he figured he wouldn't chance just because he had the safety and security of an electronic screen. Starting to feel bored with his task of checking out all the hidden pockets and files that the police had already deemed invaluable, Mycroft decided it couldn't hurt to check the last folder, the one labelled 'unsent drafts'.

This is what he saw.

_John, where are you? You said you'd be home by midnight. It's two in the morning and you aren't home. Come home, you promised.  
SH_

_You lied, John, you said you didn't like Sarah.  
SH_

_I don't like her, she's not good for you.  
SH_

_Why are you wearing her deodorant? You know you can't fool me, why did you think you could hide that from me?  
SH_

_Did you see, John? I told you she would hurt you, you haven't left your room in two days, please come downstairs.  
SH_

_I'm hungry John, and you haven't come down to feed me, moping won't help you get over her. You should have listened to me.  
SH_

_It's nice to see your face again.  
SH_

_I can't help you with women, why do you ask me, you know I don't know. I know they are conniving and useless and all they do is hurt you. I won't hurt you.  
SH_

_Well don't get mad at me, John, you asked for my advice.  
SH_

_Why don't you just go out with me?  
SH_

_For your information, John Hamish Watson, I DO know what the public definition of a 'date' is, and I asked you for one.  
SH_

_Just look at me, you matter to me.  
SH_

_You know me, John, how many people do you think I would LET live with me? There's a reason I want you to stick around.  
SH_

_How come you think I don't care?  
SH_

_John, I may be of the male gender but I don't care about your silly little assumptions of what normal people do or think about homosexuals. You shouldn't be so concerned, do I really disgust you that much that you won't even be with me because you think other people will JUDGE you?  
SH_

_Am I really that worthless to you?  
SH_

_I wish you would just see this.  
SH_

_I wish you would never see this.  
SH_

_I hate you, Doctor Watson, you repel me.  
SH_

_Please just look at me, look AT me, John.  
SH_

_I will not apologise for ruining your fifth relationship. You should learn by now your attempts are futile.  
SH_

_You could always just ask me.  
SH_

_You really are an idiot.  
SH_

_I hear you wanking in the shower, I'm sitting right below you.  
SH_

_No John, that offer to assist you was NOT a joke, you know how often I joke, never.  
SH_

_Why did you congratulate me for making an actual joke? I was serious, you sounded like you needed help.  
SH_

_Stop this, just stop this.  
SH_

_You want me to be more open?  
SH_

_You want me to tell you what goes through my mind? Do you? John, I make it perfectly clear if you just LOOKED. I want to be with you, I want to make you stop crying, I want to be the reason you try to sneak out of the flat at three in the morning. I want you to see how much I really do care.  
SH_

_You are my heart.  
SH_

_I can be romantic too, John...Moriarty was right, I DO have a heart, unfortunately you stole it.  
SH_

_At least I can write better poetry than those pitiful women you bring home.  
SH_

_Do you really not love me because I'm a guy? Is that the only reason? I see the look you're giving me behind that book, John. Don't try to hide it from me.  
SH_

_People assume we're together anyway, and they're right, you do everything with me, why do you sacrifice so much for someone you don't see a future with?  
SH_

_We don't even have to do anything publicly romantic, just admit that you do have romantic feelings with me.  
SH_

_Do you want me to say it?  
SH_

_I love you John Watson.  
SH_

_John, why did you come back?  
SH_

_It's too late, I'm on the roof.  
SH_

_Goodbye John.  
SH  
_

_Don't cry, I'm here. I promise you'll see me soon.  
SH_

_It's only been a month, you can get over this.  
SH  
_

_I see you sitting there, I can't come inside, just look out the window, please, just stand up.  
SH_

_You're still setting two cups I see. Don't worry John, I can come back soon.  
SH_

_No tea tonight?  
SH  
_

_John, put down the gun.  
SH_

_JOHN, I'M COMING INSIDE.  
SH_

_STOP, RIGHT NOW, I'M HERE, JOHN!  
SH_

_Dammit you selfish bastard, I was right here...and you didn't even look at me.  
SH_

_You didn't want to go out with me in public but you gave your life because I left. You stupid son of a bitch I will never forgive you for this.  
SH_

_It's okay John, I'm right behind you.  
SH_

_See you soon, my heart. I'm coming home.  
SH_

_I'm coming home now, John.  
SH  
_

What he found inside made his eyes go wide and his jaw drop, this was it, this was where his brother stored the things he dare not speak aloud, the things he never told anyone face to face, things people would have paid unbelievable monetary values to see, the gossip and headlines and the scandal these would stir.

Just to have the knowledge that beneath it all, Sherlock Holmes was a sentimental being, he did care about people, he cared a great deal. He just never paraded it around like most people, instead he had kept it hidden, locked away where he knew no one would ever look. They tried to get into his head to figure it out, they tried to pick him apart by his physical being, but no one ever thought to ask his heart.

That was the first time Mycroft allowed himself to cry over the death of his brother.


	2. Doctor John Watson

**A/N:** I got one of my best friends (Eli) to Beta this over the phone to me. Needless to say we were both sobbing by the end of it, and I was the one who wrote it! I hope everyone enjoys it. I admit, they are both out of character, but you know what? That's the whole point. These are the things they CAN'T say out loud, where they don't sound like themselves because the emotion has built up so much they can't contain it.  
So really it isn't out of character; it's the things they wanted to say but couldn't.

**The Unspoken Words**

John Watson was not the same person he believed himself to be. Everyone else could see it, but he himself was never consciously aware of his change with society. He lived two separate lives, one with Sherlock Holmes and the other with everyone else when Sherlock was not around. Even with Mike Stamford, the man who brought the two together in their own twisted relationship, could see that he was different.

When they went for drinks, John would never laugh, he never made jokes, and he hardly smiled, only doing so if a cute waitress waggled her hips the right way in his direction. John of course, grew defensive at the accusations and became belligerent on more than one occasion when Greg or Mike or even Mrs. Hudson called him on his change. He swore on his sister's life that he was always the same person no matter whom he was with.

Everyone else was grateful for Harry's sake that those curses never existed.

When he was with Sherlock, there was never any question of happiness or excitement, as John wore his expression openly, smiling so often and giving hearty chuckles at the simple things that would only elicit a quiet hum out of most people. He was confident and he paraded Sherlock's talent around for the world to see, it was like a child who's father was an astronaut, constantly telling others how 'brilliant' or 'amazing' he is.

However, he didn't express all of his emotions, of course they fought, they fought more often than anyone who saw them in public would ever venture to guess. But John never expressed it, he never even wrote it on his blog, or even his more personal diary.  
He laid out his thoughts and emotions in the one place Sherlock never bothered to look; the one and only private spot he could find, excluding his own mind since he knew Sherlock could read that too.

The one place not even Sherlock thought to look; the 'unsent drafts' folder in his mobile.

Normally one would not think to look at that folder, most people would immediately check the sent/received ones since most information came from the words spoken out loud. What they didn't know, however, was that sometimes the most important things came from the words one did not have the courage to say.

Mrs. Hudson considered herself to be a good provider and pseudo house maid for her two favourite renters. She loved them both dearly, as if they were her own children, often cooing to them about proper eating habits and sleeping hours, and fussing over untucked shirts and dusty trousers, as every good mother does.  
She was old, and she knew it, which limited her abilities to an extent of which she could help them, but God bless her, she tried her hardest to keep their domestic life at least a normal, comfortable one.

The one thing the police hadn't gotten a hold of was John's mobile phone. No one knew where it went, but that's because after the flourish of confusion that went along with calling up Scotland Yard, it was the one item that Mrs. Hudson had managed to obtain and keep to herself, she wanted to see, finally, to settle an old score with herself, what really happened behind her back.

She wished, in hindsight, that she hadn't decided to be so intrusive.

_Sherlock, you don't understand, we live too dangerous a life for me to love you. I don't know how I could live with myself if anything ever happened to you.  
JW_

_Moriarty will only target you more if he knew you had an emotional attachment.  
JW  
_

_Trust me, it's safer this way.  
JW  
_

_I will never tell you this, but I only imagine you when I kiss them.  
JW  
_

_Don't give me that look, I can't stand it, don't make me look at you, Sherlock.  
JW  
_

_I'm not trying to hurt you, I just want you to understand.  
JW  
_

_I'm trying to help you, you just don't get it.  
JW  
_

_You have no idea how much I want to be with you, but we're risking it as it is.  
JW  
_

_What you don't know is that I was thinking of you.  
JW  
_

_I would love your assistance, Sherlock, get over here.  
JW  
_

_There are so many things I want to tell you.  
JW  
_

_Why don't you just listen to me?  
JW  
_

_You are a great big bag of dicks, you can decipher everyone else EXCEPT me.  
JW  
_

_Figure it out for yourself, tell me what I want.  
JW  
_

_Do I have to say everything? I want you.  
JW  
_

_I need you.  
JW  
_

_Where are you, Sherlock? You're not the person I knew.  
JW  
_

_Jesus Christ, Sherlock!  
JW  
_

_SHERLOCK!  
JW  
_

_SHERLOCK FUCKING HOLMES  
JW  
_

_You fucking prick, you knew I was watching, why the fuck would you jump?  
JW  
_

_I hate you, I can't even go back to our flat.  
JW  
_

_It's been nearly a month. I have over 50 unread messages. I scanned them though. None were from you.  
JW  
_

_Come on, Houdini, I know this wasn't your curtain call.  
JW  
_

_Sherlock, I know you have to be there somewhere.  
JW  
_

_I wish I could see you there, I wish you were sitting here.  
JW  
_

_I would tell you everything I couldn't tell you before.  
JW  
_

_There's so much I wish you knew.  
JW  
_

_Sherlock, I haven't lived a single day since you left you, you heartless coward.  
JW  
_

_I lost my job, no one will even look me in the face any more, not even Mrs. Hudson.  
JW  
_

_It's all your fault.  
JW  
_

_It's all right, I'm coming to get you.  
JW  
_

_I'm almost there Sherlock, I'm coming home.  
JW  
_

_Are you waiting for me?  
JW  
_

_I love you, Sherlock.  
JW  
_

_I'm coming home.  
JW  
_

Mrs. Hudson, for the very first time in many years, swore out loud at the sheer horror of both of her pseudo children killing themselves just so they could be together. Through her tears and gritted teeth, the word was harsh and cruel, and was the only word in the English language that she felt could fit the situation.

"You bastards...you selfish, stupid bastards..." She cried, looking at the words John had written but was too scared to say to his other. She knew from the moment she saw them together that they had a connection, but after being rejected time and time again of her accusations, noting how it was only John that rejected them, she wondered on many occasion if John was hiding something.

And here was her final proof.


End file.
